Could you please proofread these two short paragraphs for my scholarship application?

I have to say that you did remarkably well. I think you have all the basics down to a point. There's a slightly different view for everyone I suppose, so take more than my opinion, but I really have to say that I think you did a perfect job. If you feel that there is room for improvement though, try some more words from your heart...I love how you added in about your life upon explaining why you wanted to help and take on a career in psychology